


Karkat 'Barista' Vantas

by artsyAquarius



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Coffee Shops are too cute I need more, Fluff, Karkat as a barista, Light-Hearted, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-11-12
Packaged: 2017-12-30 21:54:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyAquarius/pseuds/artsyAquarius
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat gets a job at Kankri and Porrim's cafe. Shenanigans occur.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to take a break from my usual angst-inducing stuff and write something light and fluffy! All the trolls and kids make an appearance in this crazy cafe!

“I really think you should consider it, Karkat. It would be a great experience for you.” Kankri said, cleaning up the counter.   
Karkat crossed his arms and clenched his jaw. “It’d be a great experience for you to annoy the crap out of me. I don’t want a job here. Did you call me here just to bug me about it?” he snapped. He had more important things to do than be bothered by his irritating older brother.   
“I don’t see why you wouldn’t want a job here!” Porrim said, walking out of the kitchen and swinging her apron around. “It’s close to home, it pays pretty well, plus you know all of the employees.” She winked at Karkat, and he rolled his eyes.   
“Exactly. Besides, you’re going to need the money, and as I’ve always believed, you should earn your own wages.” Karkat groaned. His brother was always going on about stuff like this. It was becoming clear to him that if he didn’t agree, or at least play along, he’d have to listen to Kankri ramble on about it non-stop.   
“Fine, I’ll take the fucking job. But you’d better not embarrass me or anything while I’m here. And I’m not saying it’s a permanent thing, anyway!” he added hastily. He had no intentions of working there long-term.   
“Embarrass you? I don’t see how you could think we would do that…” Kankri began, clueless as usual, but Porrim cut him off.   
“You don’t need to worry, Karkat, we’ll take care of you. You can start tomorrow. Make sure you come in bright-eyed and bushy tailed.”   
Karkat scoffed. “Yeah, that’ll happen.”

Karkat took another chocolate-chip cookie while Kanaya handed out drinks. “So…Porrim tells me you’ve got a job?” she asked, keeping hesitant and slightly amused.   
He swallowed his mouthful before answering. “Yeah, at her café.” He grumbled.   
Kanaya stifled a laugh with her hands, trying to keep her composure. “Oh, dear. She finally managed to wheedle you into that. Well…I’m sure it will go well.”  
Sollux, sitting next to Karkat, snickered. “Yeah, ‘cause KK’s people skills are so amazing!”   
Karkat flared up. “Fuck you, Sollux, no one asked you!”  
“No one had to; I just find it hilarious.”  
“You know what I find hilarious? Your stupid lisp!”   
Kanaya sighed. She was pretty much used to these kinds of arguments by now, but their shouting was giving her a headache. “Alright, we’ve established that you both find each other’s certain flaws hilarious. Karkat, would you like us to come and check up on you tomorrow?” she asked, calming the boys down as she was so great at.   
“Oh, god no. I don’t need that on my first day.” He looked at Sollux, who was drinking his soda with a smug grin. “Ok, maybe you can come, but this asshole had better not get me fired.”   
“KK, your brother works there, and Porrim’s your boss. I doubt they’re going to fire you, not matter how much of an arrogant douchebag you are.”   
Karkat took what had to be his fifth cookie and crumbled it in his hands. “Well, thanks a whole fucking lot for that amazing pep-talk. But I’ve got to get going now, or Kankri’s going to throw a tantrum.” He stood up, spilling cookie crumbs all over Kanaya’s nice clean floor.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I PROMISE we'll get to the point soon! Drama will occur!

After putting up with an extremely tedious and annoying rant in the car from Kankri, they finally arrived at the café. Kankri had been explaining all the rules and regulations, but Karkat had just tuned him out like he’d learnt to long ago. Besides, Porrim’s explanations were more interesting.   
When they got inside, there was someone else there, a boy with scruffy dark hair and thick glasses who Karkat didn’t recognise. Porrim waved them over cheerfully, brushing her long hair away from her face. “Hey, Karkat. Are you excited about your first day?”   
Karkat rolled his eyes. “I’m fucking thrilled.” The dorky kid laughed, and Karkat glared at him.   
“Oh, Karkat, this is John Egbert. He’s a barista, too. He’ll show you how things work around here.” Porrim said, with a hand on John’s shoulder.   
“It’s really cool to meet you, Karkat! I’ve heard lots about you.” He said, smiling goofily. It made Karkat wonder exactly what Porrim and Kankri had been saying about him.   
“So, Kankri’s your brother? It must be pretty good working with him!” John said as he showed Karkat how to work the coffee machine.   
“Have you met my brother? It’s bad enough I have to live with him, now I have to fucking work with him, too! It sucks.”   
The steam from the coffee machine was fogging up John’s glasses, giving him a strange appearance as he turned to Karkat. “Uh, Karkat? You might want to tone down the swearing a little. This is a family café, after all.” He showed an awful lot of guts for someone who couldn’t have been working there more than a few months.   
“Whatever. It’s not like anyone’s even here yet.” He grumbled, crossing his arms. He knew, coming into the job, that he’d need to keep his vocabulary clean, but it was pretty hard when everyone annoyed the shit out of him.   
“So Porrim’s pretty cool, though, right? I mean, check out those tats! She’s so badass.” John remarked chattily, and Karkat couldn’t help smiling a little.   
“Yeah, she’s pretty cool.” Speak of the devil. The tattooed girl strolled into the kitchen, wearing her apron and carrying another in her arms. Kankri followed behind her.   
“Who’s pretty cool?” she asked absent-mindedly, tapping the gold ring in her lip.   
“Only the best boss in the world.” John said. Porrim grinned and ruffled his hair.   
“Isn’t this kid the greatest? You two should be more like him!” she pointed at the Vantas boys, who both bristled.   
Kankri clenched his jaw. “Porrim, you’re getting off track. We came in here for a reason, you know.”   
Porrim sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. “Kanny, I was getting to it. I’m allowed to make a bit of pleasant conversation that doesn’t bore everyone out of their minds.” She said, putting her hands on her hips. Smart people would stop there. Karkat had never seen Porrim get really mad before, but he was scared to find out what would happen.   
Kankri looked very surprised, however. “What are you talking about? I’m not boring!”   
Both John and Karkat muttered their disagreements.   
Porrim flipped her hair and unrolled the apron with a flourish. “Well, whatever. I’ve got a uniform for you, Karkat!”   
He stepped back. “What? No, I’m not wearing that!”   
Porrim scoffed. “Yeah, like you have an excellent sense of fashion anyway. Karkat, it’s just part of the job here, ok? You’re going to have to wear it.” She shoved it at him, and, groaning deeply, he tied it on.   
When he looked up, both Porrim and John were staring at him and grinning. “What?” he snapped. He could sense what was going to happen by the familiar glint in Porrim’s eyes.   
“You look adorable, Karkat.” Porrim said with a low chuckle. John laughed louder.   
“Porrim, please,” Kankri said. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say things like that to my brother. You’re embarrassing him.” Karkat almost felt grateful towards him for that. “Not to mention, we look very similar, and when you call him adorable, you’re practically saying the same thing about me, and that’s just weird.” And…there he went, making everything about him again.   
Karkat mentally face-palmed. “Ok, seriously, can we just stop talking about this? Like I don’t get enough of this shit at school.” The Vantas boys looked very similar, as most people liked to point out. And with their short stature, matching sweaters (Karkat’s black, and Kankri’s red), dark skin, chocolate-brown eyes and black hair, they ended up being called ‘cute’ a lot. And Karkat couldn’t stand it.   
Egbert was still grinning, and Karkat glared at him, wanting to punch the stupid smile off of his face. Great. So already he was being embarrassed by his brother, boss and co-worker. It was only going to get more mortifying from there.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party's getting started in this chapter! >:]

Karkat had been crouching behind the counter, playing a game on his phone when the bell on the door chimed. He instinctively ducked further to hide himself, but John gave him a little kick in the leg.   
“Karkat, you wanna handle these guys? They’ll be your first customers!” he said cheerfully.   
Karkat held his phone up closer to his face. “Nah, you can take this one. I’ll just…I’ll stay here.”   
John rolled his eyes and smiled, amused. “Come on, dude, you’ve gotta do something! Porrim’s not going to be happy if you’re curled up there like a cat!” His eyes brightened as something occurred to him. “Hey, I just got that! Kar-cat! Isn’t that funny?”   
Karkat groaned, his eyes rolling back up into his skull. “Hilarious.” He stood up warily, and almost shot back down again when he saw who the customers were. Sollux and Kanaya stood at the door, waiting to be seated.   
Sollux’s different coloured eyes caught his under his bifurcated shades, and a grin spread over his face. “Hey, can we get some service over here?” he said, his lisp sounding unsurprisingly self-satisfied.   
Karkat grumbled as he approached the two, agitatedly grabbing two menus. “I didn’t think you were actually serious about coming here.” He hissed, hoping to not attract any attention from Porrim or Kankri.   
Sollux smirked. “How could we miss this? You have to do what we say!”   
Kanaya smiled patiently. “We just came for a drink. We won’t bother you too much.” She said, giving Sollux a stern look. He shrugged, still grinning.   
“Fine, fine. Just sit down and don’t make a mess out of things.” Karkat griped, leading them to a table. His eyes flicked towards the counter and he saw Porrim, who gave him a thumbs-up.   
Kanaya crossed her legs gracefully when she had sat down, carefully considering the menu. “Hmm…I think I’ll have a pot of earl-grey tea.” She handed Karkat back the menu. Kanaya was a huge tea-lover; it was practically all she ever drank.   
“Give me an espresso, and make it quick.” Sollux, on the other hand, was pretty much addicted to coffee. It didn’t help his mood-swings at all, but it kept him awake in his ‘blue days’.   
Karkat hurried back to the counter, shoving the orders at Porrim. “Kanaya’s not having anything to eat?” she asked.   
“Nope, she’s not hungry.” He called over his shoulder. It was a well-known fact that Porrim cared a lot about her younger sister, sometimes needlessly coddling her. But Kanaya practically worshipped her, and she didn’t mind if Porrim got a little over-protective sometimes.   
Karkat’s head snapped up as the bell chimed yet again. In walked a vaguely-familiar girl from school with auburn hair, teal-and-black layered shirts and red sunglasses, carrying a skateboard.   
“Is that Latula?” Kankri said quietly, trying not to make it obvious how much he was staring at her. But Karkat could plainly see it.   
Behind Latula followed two younger girls, around Karkat’s age. One had curly chestnut hair, green eyes, freckles and a childish blue hat shaped like a cat. The other was slightly taller, had the same auburn hair and glasses as Latula, but was carrying a walking cane. The sight of her hit Karkat like a blow. He hadn’t seen her in ages, not since she moved schools. And the cane was still a bit of a shock to him.   
The cat-girl led Latula’s sister to a table and helped her into her seat, while Latula strode up to the counter.   
“Yo, Kankz, how’s it going?” The girl said, in her usual trying-too-hard-to-be-cool way.   
“Oh, hello, Latula. I’m doing quite well. How have you been doing, with all of your, um, skate-boarding?”   
Latula grinned, showing off her perfectly straight, white teeth. “Yeah, it’s been totally rad! Me and MC have been skating all day!” she turned to Karkat. “So they got you slaving away here too, huh?”   
Karkat looked up, distracted. “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. Working hard.”   
Latula laughed heartily. “Aw, man, I love this kid!” she said to Kankri.   
Porrim tapped Karkat on the shoulder. “Hey, would you mind taking this young lady’s order? I know you’re busy staring at her friend and all, but we’ve got a business to run.” She said with a wink, and Karkat noticed the freckled girl standing nervously at the counter, pulling at the long sleeves of her olive-green army jacket.   
“I wasn’t staring, I was just…” he stopped talking and sighed when Porrim raised an eyebrow and jerked her thumb towards the customer.   
“Hey, what can I get you?” Karkat asked, trying to appear somewhat pleasant and not as pissed-off as he usually did. This girl hadn’t done anything (so far) to make him angry, so she shouldn’t have to put up with his shit.   
She smiled sweetly, tucking a curl of hair behind her ear. “Um, I’ll have….” She trailed off, looking at the cake display. “Oh! I’ll have one of those cupcakes!” she said, pointing to a brightly-coloured cake with a cat face made out of icing.   
Karkat couldn’t help but let a little smile escape. She was fairly cute. “Sure. Anything else?”   
She looked back at the table where her friend was seated. “Do you have any raspberry slushies?”   
Karkat pointed towards the slushie machine. “Yeah, we can make one up for you quick. Is that all you want?”   
The girl nodded quickly. “Yes.” She said, taking out her wallet, which was (unsurprisingly) shaped like a cat. She handed over some coins to Karkat, took a table number and sat down. Her friend said something to her, and she giggled, looking back at Karkat.   
The blind girl grinned that familiar grinned and stood up, grabbing her cane and navigating her way towards the counter. Karkat stood, frozen. He considered ducking again, but she couldn’t see him anyway, so what was the point? Maybe he could just stand there and hope she didn’t notice him.   
“So Karkles…when did you start working here?”  
The use of her old nickname for him snapped him out of his frozen state. “Fuck, Terezi, I told you not to call me that!”  
Kankri breezed past, carrying the tray of drinks for Kanaya and Sollux. “Check your language, Karkat.” He said, making Karkat want to punch something.   
Terezi grinned even wider, if that were possible. Karkat was sure she was going to split her face any second. “Good to know you still remember me.”   
Karkat rolled his eyes, even though he knew she couldn’t see it. “How could I forget you? Psychotic dragon girls with a fetish for red are in short supply around here.”   
Terezi cackled in that familiar, slightly grating laugh. “You haven’t changed at all. Thanks for the red slushy, by the way.” She grinned again, and showed that her tongue was already stained by the flavouring.   
“You haven’t changed, either.” Karkat said. She really hadn’t. Ever since she went blind and moved schools, Karkat thought she might have been slightly traumatised or something. But she was the same as ever.   
“You’ve met Nepeta, right? She’s my best friend from my new school. She’s a pretty cool cat herself, actually.” She said, grinning at her own joke.   
“Best friend? What happened to Vriska?” Karkat said, somewhat snidely.   
Terezi was in the middle of sighing when John popped over and interrupted. “Vriska? As in, Vriska Serket? I know her!” he said cheerfully, as if knowing Vriska was a good thing.   
“Yeah! Her sister and my cousin’s cousin work at the library together! She helps me with my homework sometimes.” Vriska? Helping people? Aranea must be breathing down her neck or something.   
Terezi wrinkled her nose at John. “Who’s this kid?” she inquired, looking adequately miffed off.   
“Terezi, this is John, the moronic idiot I’m being forced to work with.” Karkat grumbled. He was the expert at introductions.   
John beamed. “So Karkat, is Terezi your girlfriend?”   
Nope. He did not just fucking go there. “John, just….just shut up.” Karkat said, rather patiently if he did say so himself. Terezi cackled quietly.   
“Are you sure? Because it kinda seems like…”  
“Don’t you have an optometrist’s appointment to go to, Egbert?” Karkat snapped.   
John held up his hands in surrender and walked away. Terezi was still laughing to herself, which didn’t make Karkat feel any better. She could have been gracious enough to confirm…or deny what John had said, instead of laughing her ass off at him.   
“Hey, so Nep and I are going to go sit with Sollux and Kanaya in a sec. I just wanted to check up on you, and make sure you weren’t going crazy from spending too much time with Kankri.” She said, standing up.   
“I miss you.” Karkat blurted out. “I mean…talking to you. Like this. It’s nice.”   
Terezi smiled then. Not the maniacal grin she usually wore, but a genuine, soft smile. “Just don’t go replacing me with another psychotic dragon girl with a fetish for red.”


End file.
